aham brahmasmi

Aham Brahmasmi

I am spirit, not matter

I am not the body, I am not the mind

I am the eternal spirit soul

I am only temporarily in a material body

The body is temporary, I am eternal

Aham Brahmasmi

I relate to that quote in so many ways. It reminds me of all the wrongs that I have done in the recent years. It reminds me to return to what I truly believe in. The ASMY community is so supportive and so welcoming. I feel very lucky to be able to seek refuge there. 

Life definitely feels like it is in limbo. Am I single? Am I in a relationship? Where will I live? Should I start packing? Is there point in tidying and unpacking from the weekend? This really isn't my home anymore. It isn't our home anymore.

It symbolises everything that we have worked towards, everything that we built together. A big part of me longs for the day we empty the house as we empty our hearts. To start afresh, separately. I don't think I could ever take him out of my life. We have so much, too much that is ours. So much that he threw away for us.

There are times where all I want is for this dark cloud to past and for us to start afresh again. To get to know each other again and to be vulnerable in each other's arms again. Other times I feel I will never be able to get past this storm, the dark victim cloud that I carry alongside my every happiness and success.

Maybe there is life after your first love. Maybe there's more love out there than I give the world credit for.